


I'm Not Hiding Anything

by Two_princes_kiss



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Apologies, F/M, Guilt, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Mutual Pinning, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23834350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Two_princes_kiss/pseuds/Two_princes_kiss
Summary: Lupin hides his love for his partner with the love for a certain princess he doesn't seem to like as much as he once thought.
Relationships: Clarisse d' Cagliostro/Arsène Lupin III, Jigen Daisuke/Arsène Lupin III
Kudos: 28





	I'm Not Hiding Anything

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: TIMELINE IS INCORRECT, enjoy anyways… or don’t whatever you want

The cold water rushed past me harshly, I was poor at swimming compared to Lupin. Thin and quick, moving quickly and dodging effortlessly around various things. I couldn’t help but stare at him while he moved considering the tight spandex suit gripping against every part of his body, his body moving fluidly with the fabric that looked so constricting. 

I still didn’t know why we were chasing this princess around, he refused to tell me. He probably wanted ass, who in the hell knows. I just want to know why he refuses to tell me. 

I saw Lupin surface the water so I did the same, pulling my oxygen off and looking at him expectantly. 

“Stay here and keep an eye out,” he said quietly but loud enough to hear over the rushing water.

“Sure thing boss,” I kept his same volume of voice. We both watched out of the steel bars, gripping them in my hands that were already icy cold. I glanced over at him, the deep concentration in his eyes made me feel a certain way that I tried desperately to ignore. 

We listened to Zenigata speak for awhile, saying various things that I tried to pick up and simultaneously organizing a plan in my own head. Once he finished talking and walked away, I relayed it back to Lupin who smiled and nodded. 

“I love your brain Jigen,” Lupin pushed my forehead with his finger. He slid his mask back on so I did the same, swimming out through the fountain and making our way back to the abandoned castle. 

…

“So you really think this will work Boss?” I was sort of self conscious about my thoughts. 

“It’s brilliant Jigen,” Lupin flipped his fingers up from the steering wheel and back down with a small thud, “sometimes I think you’re the half of me I’ve always needed.” 

“Sounds kinda gay,” I muttered and slid a cigarette between my teeth. Lupin didn’t say anything, sort of quiet for a few minutes. 

“You alright?” I asked finally and he nodded. 

“Just thinking,” Lupin answered in a quip. 

“About?” I questioned and he shrugged. 

“Got a lot on my mind,” Lupin had that cute tone in his voice that was sort of cocky but then again it was charming as hell.

“Tend to get a little emotional during times like these,” he continued and I watched his knuckles grip the wheel, “car rides make you think too much.” 

“You’re right,” I sighed and stared out the window. The scenery of mountains and blue sky, light but fluffy clouds peppering the sky. Sometimes I wonder if I deserved to see the beauty of the outdoors, I was closer to the freaks of nature. 

There were times where being in love with your boss had some perks, like being his close friend and hardly even realizing you were working a paying job. Then becoming best friends and just living together, traveling together, and enjoying living together full time. We almost never had a fight, maybe a few things here and there hurt my feelings. But there was no reason for them to upset me, I just had to suck it up and let things be even though I wanted something so much more than what we had. I was tired of just being his best friend though, it felt good when there was highs but when the lows hit they hit so hard.

Slender hands around someone else’s waist, sloppy kisses, and lingering stares. It always hurt and I’d be so angry; at myself, him, and the girl. Why was I cursed to be gay but also in love with  _ him _ ? Why did he have to show it off right in front of me so cocky? Why was I so envious of what they all seemed to be able to get? They never got to keep him though. At the end of the day he still made breakfast for me after they left, that had to mean something.    
When I was angry he’d assume I was jealous because I never got laid, which was true but also intentional. I could very easily get hit on and hit on others but it was never what I wanted, even if it was a man it was fun but then I’d be sad. I’d feel that same low in the end.

“Think the radio works still?” Lupin had a smile on his face but it felt disingenuine, looked forced and strange when his smiles usually always had that playful gleam to them. 

“Probably not,” I leaned over and messed with the buttons. I slid a random casette in, something we would’ve recorded from the home radio ourselves to make our own mixtape. I turned the volume up all the way, no sound. I turned it down a bit so it didn’t deafen us later and slammed my fist against it, a loud static sound and then something played quietly. I turned it up a bit and could barely make out the words and the instrumental was weak, speakers were shot.

“Great,” Lupin muttered and slammed his fist against the radio as well. No change so he just turned it off and sighed, slamming his back against the seat in a huff. 

“You sure everything is gonna be alright man?” I asked him, pushing the worry in my voice. 

“I mean,” he sighed and looked at his lap before looking back at the road, “I don’t think I like this princess as much as I thought. I feel bad for her and I’m gonna help her but I don’t think I want to pursue her anymore. How am I supposed to cut it off? I told her I was sort of serious too, I never do that. I’ve dug a hole Jigen, it’s deep too.”   
“Jesus Lupin,” I laughed a little, “just see her and tell her. And tell her  _ everything,  _ make sure she knows why you feel that way, tell her you still want to help her, and apologize for feeding her empty promises. Blame it on the heat of the moment or something like that.”

“Thanks Jigen,” he muttered sadly, “means a lot.”

“When did you suddenly decide this?” I asked curiously. 

“Few minutes ago,” he whispered ashamedly. I wanted to ask why but he already seemed like an open wound, no point in pressing for it more. Maybe he wasn’t ready for commitment, it didn’t seem like him to commit anyway but he never promised without delivery for anyone. 

“You don’t have to be afraid of her you know,” I swallowed anxiously, “if it’s just the act of commiting make sure you say that. Don’t push her away if you do really want her.”

“Yeah,” Lupin took a sharp turn into the familiar road to the castle. There was silence for the last few minutes of the ride, the car came to a stop and we sort of sat there quietly. 

“It’s beautiful here,” Lupin started, “let’s walk around. Clear my head.” He left the car, shutting the door and looking at the sky. I got out after him, looking up at the setting sun. It was close to night, we’d have to travel far to go through with this plan by tonight. Although it was able to be done tomorrow too if necessary, just thought Lupin had more urgency since he also had personal affairs to tend to. 

“I like the way the moon sparkles off the water,” I turned back toward him. He had his hands in his back pockets, walking with a jut in his posture. I followed him, keeping behind him, running my eyes over the landscape of perfection. There were lush, green trees with hanging branches that seemed to keep a wall around the whole thing where no one could see in or out. The water was glittered with large stones and lily pads, sparkles of light and small, pink water flowers. 

“You ever hurt your back trying to suck your own dick?” Lupin asked and precariously leaped onto a stone in the pond. I sputtered for a moment before laughing loudly. 

“Of course not,” I waited for him to leap onto the next one before stepping onto the first one, “doesn’t mean I haven’t still tried I suppose. Why do you ask?”

“Something to talk about,” he cackled and pressed a hand to his stomach. He leaned back in caution of losing his balance, then tried to catch his breath so he could make the next jump. 

“When you stare off in the car I wonder what you think about,” I smirked to myself, “but it’s probably shit like that.”

“I’d love to say you’re wrong,” Lupin said and hopped to another rock. It remained silent again, us leaping one rock to another until we got to the abandoned castle. I stuck my hands in my pockets and looked the structure up and down, bright green and yellow mold clung to the grey stone. I bet this castle was beautiful at one point, big rooms and spacious living spaces. Something luxurious Lupin would thrive in naturally, his lust for the finer things. 

Only the finest of things. Beautiful women, flashy jewelry, and over priced coats. 

I just went along with whatever, I didn’t mind anything as long as it worked. Efficient and long lasting. 

We wandered around the inside, still silent, looking around everything. His eyes looked so peacefully sad, there was so many questions I had. Everything I ever wanted to say to him was sitting on the tip of my tongue, dancing ever so anxiously to escape. I opened my mouth, trying to see what I could slip out. 

“What are you hiding from me?” I snapped at him angrily, we both stopped walking suddenly. 

“I’m not hiding anything,” he snapped back. 

“You obviously are,” I pointed at him and pressed my finger to his chest, “you have been so quiet ever since you met that damn princess. I can’t stand you being around women in the first place, let alone not telling me anything that’s going on but STILL expecting me to plan shit so you can do some horseshit.”

“I’M LEAVING HER AND SAVING HER FROM THE MARRIAGE WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?” Lupin shouted and shoved me at the shoulders harshly, knocking me back slightly. I clenched my fists and swung at his arm, he grabbed his shoulder where I socked it before pulling some weird wrestling shit and wrapping his arm around my neck. He yanked my leg up and pulled it up to my chest, I groaned and turned around to kick him hard in the chest. He fell on his ass but got up without a beat and swung his arm around my waist to lift me, tossing me over his shoulder and jogging just outside the castle. 

“Don’t you fucking dare you bitch,” I growled and kicked at him hard with little to no avail. He tossed me straight into the water, mud and rocks clinging to my clothes and hair. 

I looked him in the eyes, intent to beat the absolute shit out of him plaguing my being. I felt something graze past my hand and slap my wrist, I shouted and saw a fish swim past me. Lupin slowly curled his lips into a smile and started laughing, his hand on his stomach and the other pointing at me. He then bent over, holding himself up on his knees, and tears falling from his eyes. I smiled a little, my back and legs feeling bruised but loving the reaction from Lupin. I wish just one time I could be mad at him for an extended period of time. 

He walked back to me quickly, running through the water that was up to his ankles and sticking his hand out for me. I grabbed it and stood up, lacing my fingers around his out of curiosity. His hand slipped from mine so I just let it go, clearing my throat and squeezing water out of my hair as we walked back. We sat down at the rails to get up into the castle; I shrugged my jacket, top, and undershirt off. I set them beside me and felt cold despite the warm air because of the icy water. 

“Here,” Lupin sighed and shrugged his suit jacket off. He handed it to me and I threw it over my shoulders. 

“Thanks,” I took a deep breath and looked at him. Our eyes met, his cheeks looking as chubby as ever and my lips forcing me to smile a little bit.    
“Wanna talk about it? Peacefully.” Lupin scooched closer to me and blinked at me, long eyelashes fluttering gently against each other. 

“Not really but we can,” I joked, “what was the purpose of following the princess down in the first place?” 

“I recognized the symbol on the ring is all,” he admitted, “and she seemed like a cool gal and when I found out she needed help I extended my hand.”

“Why are you dumping her though, why’d you tell her you’d be with her in the first place?” I asked and he slumped in his spot. 

“I did some thinking and I really just can’t see myself with her,” Lupin shrugged, “I felt chemistry at first but maybe it was the long drive. The excitement of the trip we had just been on.” There was a beat of silence.

“Why’s it bother you so much?” Lupin asked and crossed his legs, his knee against my thigh. 

“I like to know what’s going on when I’m planning missions,” I answered, “the end goal of it all.” His eyes met with mine, he looked like he was trying to read my mind. His nose crumpled a bit and I raised an eyebrow at him, he hummed a little. 

“Thank you for always being there for me,” Lupin sounded sad, “I know I’m a huge fuck up and I can take advantage of you sometimes for being so smart. At the end of the day I appreciate you being there to hold me up when I fail.”

“Oh,” I mumbled stupidly, “I value your friendship immensely Lupin. You’re the most important person in my life, I’d do anything for you.” I stopped for a beat. 

“I love you,” I admitted. I looked at my feet and felt the contents of my stomach rising, there was no way I could vomit right now. 

“Me too,” Lupin finally responded.

“It’s not-”

“I know,” Lupin stopped me, “that’s why I had to sort of dump princess Clarisse.” I stayed silent, I pulled my knees to my chest, and I tried to desperately push that sick feeling down. 

“I just kept thinking about it during the heist of the government money and I thought Clasrisse was the answer,” Lupin sighed and stood up, “but she’s not and I’m sorry for making you think I was.” He was silent another moment, I thought if I spoke I’d throw up. 

“When did you… know?” He asked and looked up at the sky, hands in his pockets. I met his eyes and he blinked to focus on mine. 

“I don’t remember a distinct moment,” I admitted and swallowed, “I noticed myself feeling hurt whenever I saw you with women lately and-”

“How long then?” He interrupted, his eyes growing wide. 

“I suppose around when we started living together,” I shrugged. 

“It’s been-”

“I know.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not, you should’ve said something.”

“Going up to your seemingly heterosexual best friend who has casual sex once a week and telling him you have strong romantic feelings for him didn’t seem to be a good fare for me,” I joked. 

“Maybe,” he chuckled and stood in front of me. He towered over me, bending down to eye level with his face decently far from mine. 

“Don’t kiss me,” I flicked his forehead. 

“Ugh why?” He whined and stood back up straight. 

“It’s corny as hell,” I groaned, “plus you have a princess to break up with first.”

“We aren’t even together,” Lupin rolled his eyes, “ I just sort of mentioned that I might be willing to after the whole thing.”

“Yeah once that impression is gone we can talk about it,” I crossed my leg over the other. 

“Jigen you’re such a tease,” Lupin whined and crossed his arms. 

“Pot calls the kettle black once again,” I sighed and pulled his jacket tighter around my shoulders. 

“Oh so you do want me that bad huh?” Lupin sat back beside me, his shoulder against mine. 

“I’ll push you off this bridge into the river too if you don’t lay off,” I muttered annoyed. I watched Lupin place a cigarette between his lips, I suddenly felt that desire to pull it from his mouth and ravage him myself. I couldn’t do that to him or myself, it wasn’t right. 

“Can I get one?” I asked since mine were not soaking wet, he stared off at his feet but handed me one anyway. 

“And a light?” I raised an eyebrow and he turned toward me, pulling his lighter out and moving toward me. He still refused to make eye contact with me despite my attempts to glance at his dark eyes. He lined up his cigarette with mine and lit them both, his zippo making that familiar clink sound. He pulled away and blew some smoke out of the side of his mouth, he leaned back and laid upside down hanging off the side of the bridge while he smoked. 

I put the jacket on properly which was a really strange feeling. I sighed and moved to lay back beside him, the blood immediately rushing to my head making me a little dizzy at first. 

“Are you really pouting right now?” I asked and held my cigarette between my fingers. 

“I’m a little impatient,” Lupin complained, “I’m a child, remember?”

“Wish I could forget,” I joked and smiled at him, “maybe I wouldn’t like you as much if you were more mature.” I looked him up and down, taking in his thin frame, undershirt untucked with stomach slightly exposed, hairy while lean. 

“You don’t mean that,” Lupin mumbled and crossed his arms, “I’m such an ass. I didn’t even think before I told her how I felt.”

“It’s okay to be wrong,” I said, “you just have to make it right in the end.” 

“I still feel awful for making a huge mistake like this,” Lupin ran a hand over his face, “I never make dumb decisions like this.” His cigarette dangerously loose in his other hand, I couldn’t helo but wonder if  _ I  _ was the stupid decision instead of Clarrisse. The whole situation could have been reversed, Lupin’s feelings were obviously way out of check. 

“What if you don’t like me either?” I said calmly as if it didn’t make my heart rattle, I took a drag of my cigarette hoping it would pop the little bubbles swelling in my chest. 

“It’s not,” he shook his head, “I mean I can talk about you forever man. I always have been able to gush about you for days at a time, for some reason I thought it was just bragging about my friend. Who does that sort of thing anyway?” There was a brief pause as he took another puff from his smoke. 

“I always thought about you at the worst times and tried to excuse it as something it wasn’t,” Lupin suggested and I assumed what I could from it. 

“Am I allowed to ask what that means?” I chuckled and he smirked back at me. 

“Absolutely not,” Lupin snipped. 

“Not even one?” I whined and smiled toward his direction, his eyes met mine and he rolled them. 

“Fine maybe I thought of certain people in certain situations causing a certain body part to behave a certain way,” Lupin gestured with his hands before putting his cigarette back in his mouth. 

“That’s not love by the way,” I mentioned earning a chuckle. 

“I wish that was the only thing,” he mused to himself annoyedly, “that’s just the only one I’m going to say to you. I’m not soft.”

“ _ You’re  _ not  _ soft _ ?” I enunciated and he flicked his cigarette butt at me, I cackled and tried to bat it from my face. He sat up firmly and I did the same, leaning forward and feeling my brain rattle when I did. I tipped my cigarette over the edge as well, hearing it hit the water with a small plop. 

“I’m not,” he crossed his arms and stood up, “we’re leaving.”

“Sure,” I chuckled and picked my wet clothes up to bring with me. 

… 

I remember falling asleep in the car on the way there, but here I woke up on a hotel room’s couch. A soft and thick blanket draped over me, Lupin’s suit jacket thrown over the back of said couch, and my pants stripped from me. I glanced over to see Lupin sleeping on the bed, he was laying on his stomach with his arms wrapped around his pillow, and his head pressed against it. A puddle of drool had pooled onto the pillow and he had no blankets over his body, his undershirt and stupid red hearted boxers on. I couldn’t decide whether it was cute or gross. 

“Lupin,” I grumbled loudly and his eyes peeked open at me. 

“Hm?” He hummed and blinked slowly in my direction. I wanted to ask him about undressing me, although the answer was obvious I sort of wanted him to admit he cared about my comfort but I pushed it back. Not yet.

“Probably should get ready,” I said and stood up. The cold air hit my care torso and legs like a blizzard, I stretched and felt his eyes on me. 

“Sun’s not even all the way up yet,” Lupin mumbled and nuzzled back into his pillow. I lifted a pillow off of the couch I had been laying on and tossed it at him harshly. 

“Let’s go,” I grouched, “you have a princess to deal with as well as the other plans to get the money and shit.”    
“Jeez,” Lupin tossed the pillow off the bed. He pushed a hand through his hair and sat up, legs crossing and arms stretching outward. I sort of felt guilty for even bringing it up, him feeling so bad about the whole thing. I walked over to my bag that had its contents strewn about on a nearby table. I skimmed through them for fresh clothes, I turned back to see Lupin staring at me rather sleepily. 

“Pervert,” I joked and walked toward the bathroom to change into my clothes. Just to spite him. 

…

Everything went by so fast, our excitement for completely finishing the whole adventure. Everything seemed to just fall right into place as we planned, mostly anyways. Lupin was easily able to improvise when there was a bumpy spot or too, which was one of his various strong suits at times like this. We were now on our way back home, which was likely to take awhile. 

"Hey Boss?" I asked and turned my attention toward him. I watched his eyes concentrating on the road, shining a bit under the setting sun. Mission took long, but the time felt it was moving all too fast. 

"You don't gotta call me that man," Lupin smirked. 

"Force of habit I suppose," I turned to stare out of the window with my hands crossed behind my head. The side of the mountain had a view of all this water, blue turned orange with the color of the sky as the sun set. It was peaceful and the day seemed to go so smoothly for us, I mean from my end it did I suppose. 

"How was Clarisse?" I cleared my throat, sort of hesitant to bring the situation up first. I looked over at him, searching for an emotion to read before he sputtered out some horseshit. He had this sense of confidence and cockiness about him. 

"She took it well," he answered, "I suppose I'm just too much of a smooth talker. I could get out of anything."

"Get out of my heart then," I mumbled involuntarily earning myself a warm face. Lupin turned to look at me for a moment, smirking, and then looking back at the road ahead. 

"Why would I ever need to do that?" Lupin stated smugly. 

"All I want is to be wedged in there," he added more gently. 

"Right," I crossed my arms and slouched heavily in my seat. I avoided his eyes knowing I likely looked as if I were some blushing idiot, I'd never hear the end of it. 

"It's totally cool if you're not but I'm still interested Jigen," Lupin sounded arrogant when he spoke. His voice telling me he knew how he was making me feel, my reactions being a fuel for his ego. I didn't mind fueling it, of course I thought he deserved it. 

"I am," I sounded pathetic. I sat up straight, sliding my suit jacket off and throwing it into the backseat, loosening my tie, and unbuttoning the top two buttons of my button up. I needed to act confident or at least relaxed. 

"You did completely tell her it was done right?" I asked for clarification. 

"Of course I did," Lupin squinted in my direction, "I want to be with you why would I half ass the thing?"

"Just checking," I raised my hand in surrender and he chuckled before turning back to the road. 

"So," I started and placed my hand over top his. His elbow resting on the center console with his fingers tracing the cup holder's edge. 

"How do you feel about going to dinner or something tomorrow, like a proper date?" I asked, flicking my hat off my head with my other hand. 

"If you plan on stripping in my car just say something now," Lupin scoffed, "don't be a tease I just met you."

"You're such an idiot," I rolled my eyes and smirked to myself. 

"But yeah," he waited for a beat, "it's a date." I felt the car slow a bit, his features beginning to look more distracted. 

"Don't get us into an accident," I muttered, "but just in case we do." I paused and used my free hand to turn his chin my way, leaning his way to kiss him on the lips quickly but softly. 

"I'll do my best to not get distracted," Lupin chuckled and gripped my hand a bit. 


End file.
